As the high tide of stupidity steadily moves up from lapping our ankles to dampening our weary groins, the latest example of irredeemable uselessness is … drumroll … Santander bank in nearby XXXXXX.

We gave them an easy one. Upgrade our son’s existing Santander account to a Uni-level account with the necessary bank-cards the Little Fellow heads off to Uni tomorrow.

Being assured that this complex task could be accomplished without difficulty, we departed.

Four weeks later and after mounting tomfoolery, we discover today that it’s still not done. We were staggered by the excuse given today: "I haven’t been trained in this procedure".

Whaaaaaaaat?

Santander employees! If you haven’t been ‘trained’ in the ‘procedure’, then either you should know that when you promise a cusomer to do something and make a plan accordingly. Or you’ll find out quickly enough when attempting it. Options in that latter case include:

  • working out what to do and doing it
  • asking some other colleague to get the job done
  • telephoning us to admit defeat and suggesting that we take the business elsewhere
  • doing nothing (worst of all worlds)

Yes. Doing Nothing looks to have won hands down.

So now as we are scrambling in the usual last-minute teenage packing chaos around trying to find the boy’s socks and books, we now have to waste lots of time today trying to ascertain where the issue stands in Santander-land and devising a plan to cope with this idiotic setback.

Sometimes the excuse for the incompetence is even more revealing than the incompetence itself. But is any bank these days any better?

Now I have to go and chase away the heron which is eyeing my flock of koi carp.