Once upon a time when a product required plastic safety glasses the instructions said so, and one used one’s intelligence to put them on one’s head: lenses to the front of one’s face, and the curvy bit in the middle astride one’s nose for extra comfort.

No longer.

Now we get from the Kawasaki Corporation detailed instructions on how to deploy them, in delightful if erratic 1930s’ English:

Thus:

You must peruse this instruction before use and keep it in strict custody during the using period …

When you wear safety glasses, you must fully unfold the temples and wear glasses with both hands so that the glasses will weigh equally for nose and ears and stay comfortable … 

When lenses get dirty, you must not wipe them with dirty gloves, towels or clothes …

You must not put this glass in a naked condition into the pocket of working wear …

Indeed. The very idea.

I am minded to set up a website so that anyone on the planet wanting to translate something into English (above all instructions and menus – in Warsaw the other day I was offered Tigerish Shrimps) can pay a modest fee to get the job done properly.

Investors welcome.